REPORT: Local Fabric Store Runs Out of Material That Looks Like it Comes From Another Country

LA MIRADA, CA — Due to high demand from Missions Conference, Weatherford’s Fabric has run out of patterned material that gives the appearance that it was made in another country.

The store’s owner, Dag Weatherford, reported the shortage via a sign on the window that says, “Only North American-looking fabrics available,” with a frowning emoji next to it.

“Between the prayer stations and Global Awareness station, we needed about three hundred thousand square feet of fabric to hang in random places on the walls,” said Missions Conference representative Chelsey Robertson, who emphatically added, “and it NEEDED to look foreign, to give the authentic feeling we’re looking for.”

The Bells reached out to Weatherford’s Fabric for comment, but unfortunately Mr. Weatherford was too busy contacting the nearest World Market and Michael’s Craft Stores to warn them of what he called, “the coming storm.”