Ghosts of Former Emerson Residents Haunt New Humanities Offices
LA MIRADA - A disturbing report from Emerson Hall claims that some unruly apparitions are bothering new office and faculty members who now work in the building. In April 2015, it was announced that the once all-men's dorm would be retired and renovated into offices for the Department of Humanities. Unfortunately, however, the coordinators for the transition seem to have disturbed some unlikely residents.
“We had no idea that Emerson was haunted,” a spokesperson for the contracting company said, “If we had known, we could have easily requested a relocation permit for them.”
It appears that the ghouls have become upset, however, as an increasingly foul odor has appeared near where the old resident dorms were located. Lars Mallory, an office assistant in Emerson, believes that the stench is only the beginning.
“I’m becoming increasingly fearful for myself and my co-workers,” Mallory adds, “The stench started about a week ago. Old laundry, sweat, Axe body spray. It’s dreadful. Just a few days ago, however, I noticed that the newly installed air-condition units stopped working. Yesterday, I heard what sounded like voices humming a Matchbox 20 song. Something’s definitely not right here.” Surprisingly, Biola’s own Department For The Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures was aware for decades that Emerson had ethereal beings living inside it.
“Yeah, of course we know they’re there, this shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone,” Victor Malfory, Department head, stated. “Quite frankly, they haven’t bothered anyone in the past. If you must know, they’re all former residents of Emerson Hall that decided to stick around a little longer than expected. Of course, if they’re living on campus, they will be abiding by all Community Standards, including avoiding all interaction with Slytherin house, Azusa Pacific, and dementors.”
We reached out to interview one of the ghosts. After hours of blasting boy-band music, discussing Biola crushes and making up sports statistics, we were finally able to summon one of the ghosts. He was quite polite, describing the situation as, “oooooooOOOOOOOooooo, oooooOOOO, boo.” After negotiating with the ghosts, they agreed to relocate to Alpha hall starting the end of October.
