False Victory? SB 1146 Features New Clause that Requires all Graduates to Sacrifice their First Born

On Tuesday August 23, 2016, California Senator Ricardo Lara announced that they would be adding a new clause to the previously overturned Senate Bill 1146.

The new clause states that “all graduates of a private religious institution must sacrifice their first born child to gay icon and hero Perez Hilton.”

Kerry Forner, a third-year Psychology major said, “This is outrageous! I should be able to sacrifice my first born child to whoever and whatever I want! This is just another example of liberal America trying to oppress Christians!”

Some students, on the other hand, are supporting the revisions, stating that the LGBT community should have every right to have children sacrificed in their name.

“We don’t want to isolate and discriminate against the LGBT community,” declared sophomore Cinema and Media Arts student Danny Hanz, “As Christians, we are called to love all people and if that means I have to sacrifice my first born child to a gay man, then so be it.”

SB 1146 will be up for vote again in February of 2017. Well I don’t know about you, but if this bill passes, I’m moving to Canada!