Hart Hall Resident Declares “The Ground is Lava!” Students Petrified

For decades, residents of Biola’s Hart Hall have found refuge in its warm and inviting environment, but this once glorious haven is now experiencing the intense heat of a proverbial hell on earth.

On March 26th, six Hart residents returned to the lobby after another scrumptious meal in the Biola cafeteria when junior Danny Noble noticed that something had changed.

“I saw that the furniture was arranged differently, but I thought nothing of it,” Noble said. “Then I heard someone scream ‘Quick! The ground is lava!’ And everybody jumped onto the furniture.”

Noble’s quick reaction was one of the main reasons why there were no casualties in the incident.

“It might have been instincts. It might have been the Holy Spirit. I can’t call it,” he said.

SOME STUDENTS INITIALLY DOUBT REALITY OF DORM LAVA

Despite the inherent dangers, some were skeptical of the situation and chose to walk on the floor. Upon seeing this, an unknown person screamed “Lava Monsters!” This made the danger of the situation all the more real to those who experienced the misfortune of being stranded in the lobby.

OTHER CAMPUS PROJECTS POSTPONE RELIEF EFFORTS

Campus Safety blocked off the perimeter of Hart and has promised to send aid to those who are still trapped within what is now known as the “Red Zone.” However, they admit that because of other large campus initiatives such as the Caf Hill escalator and the parking structure expansion, it may be months before they are able to send a relief team.

NON-PROFIT ORGANIZATIONS SEND AID

Brown Bag Ministries, a ministry that focuses on feeding the homeless on L.A.’s Skid Row, has spearheaded a relief effort by collecting donations and putting together 2,000 cafe meals to be airdropped to survivors.

One student was so moved by the scene that she plans on making a Hart “Red Zone” Global Awareness Room at the next Missions Conference.

Unfortunately for those still inside Hart Hall, these relief efforts may be doing little to stop the horrors that they are experiencing with every passing moment.